Kaden and Kiley
by Bitten by a cow
Summary: These are the two idiots from my Happy Little Ditties! They're here! Yay! Traveling around the world of movies! And...being stupid. Warning: Bring your gas masks. Kiley is cooking.
1. Prologue

This is a story. Obviously! This is a story about two retards. Two retards who find themselves traveling through space-and time-over and over and over again, letting them see multiple things they have seen on TV, or in the movies. But, unfortunately, these two have no clue about anything. So, they may have a chance to ruin every good movie there ever was! Or, will they beat the odds and save the day? Only one way to find out! Read! Um...I decided to remove the Ditties from Happy Ditties, so don't go screaming at me if it's not there. Well, here we go!

Prologue

Kaden and Kiley:

Moronic Retards

Kaden sat, with her eyes open, at her desk. She appeared to be awake, with her eyes open, though they were unblinking, and with her lesson book open in front of her. She was very tired, after a very long night talking to Kiley. She and Kiley were best friends, and went everywhere together, so many people mistook them for sisters, even their parents.

She and Kiley had been making plans to create a device that would send them into the past, and they had hoped to try it out that night, but there was a thunderstorm, and the electricity blew out. Now, Kaden sat, and was technically skipping math class. She should have picked another class to skip, seeing as a time machine would require loads of information, mainly math.

Kiley was in the bathroom, snoozing on the pot. She had cleverly asked to go to the bathroom, and had been in there for about an hour or two. Mrs. Graffle, the teacher, began to get worried.

"Kiley? Are you alright?" she called. A snore was her reply. "Kiley!" She banged on the bathroom stall. "Kiley! Wake up!" She didn't open the door, because it was locked, and she was afraid that Kiley might have just fallen asleep while using the restroom. "KILEY!" she shouted, and Kiley thought about stirring. "Agh!" She rushed back to the classroom, and marched up to Kaden's desk. "Kaden!" she growled, and Kaden opened her eyes.

"Wha...?" She yawned. "Yeah, Mrs. Graffle?" She tried as hard as she could to keep her eyes open.

"Your sister is asleep in the bathroom," she replied.

"She's not my-" she was cut off by an angry Mrs. Graffle.

"Go get her!" She pounded her fist on the desk, and Kaden jumped out, and ran to the bathroom.

"Kiley," she whispered. "It's time for...FOOD FIGHT!" Kiley leaped up, and opened the door.

"Kaden! I came in here to sleep," she explained.

"I know. Mrs. Graffle caught me sleeping on my desk. I was clever, though, and left my eyes open," she boasted. "Anyway, let's go get some grub!" Kiley leaped in joy.

"Yay!" She grabbed Kaden and squeezed her.

"Agh! Dead..." Kaden squeaked. Kiley dragged her to the cafeteria. For now, it was lunchtime. The lunch ladies slopped some gunk onto an unfortunate student's plate. "Ew...that looks worse than your cooking..." Kiley made a face. That was hard to accomplish. They both grabbed plates, and went through the line.

"Here ya go," said the main lunch lady as she scooped some suspicious looking casserole onto the girls' plates. Kaden shuddered, and sneakily dumped the contents of the casserole into the nearest garbage.

"Ew...I'd rather be anorexic than eat that crap," she said. Kiley had already stuffed her face with the "yummy" casserole. She had stuffed so much in, that some of it was pouring back out onto her plate. Kaden watched with disgust as Kiley mashed the gross food into her mouth, and let half of it drop back out. By the time she got to the last mouthful, most of it was just a glop of saliva.

"It's actually pretty good," she complimented, with her mouth full. Kaden grimaced at the gross picture of Kiley's mouth stuffed with a mystery casserole, mixed with her spit, and it was all being mashed around by her teeth. Then, to make it worse, she poured an "ice tea" drink in, to make a gross toilet looking mash.

"Eww..." Kaden felt her stomach churn. "I think I need to use the restroom," she said quickly, and stood up.

"I'll come with you," said Kiley, while still chewing. Kaden rushed to the bathroom. She pulled open the stall, but the toilet was a purplish-blue! She gaped, and Kiley rushed to her side. "What?" she asked, but the toilet sucked them up with its magical vacuum powers! "Whee!" Kiley had her hands in the air, but Kaden was curled up in a ball, rolling down the long, gross pipe. They came to a stop.

"This is gross..." There was a manhole cover above. "Let's see where we are, and if we can find a sink." Kaden pushed the manhole away. They both climbed up, and gaped at the sight. "Woah..."

"COOL!" Kiley started bouncing up and down. "The machine worked!" Kaden raised her eyebrows. There, ahead of them, lay what appeared to be the castle of Cair Paravel! "I love the Chronicles of Narnia! I always wanted to come!" she shrieked, and Kaden tilted her head.

"That's kinda cool," she admitted.

"KINDA COOL? Kaden! Our time machine worked!" She did not stop bouncing. "Let's go!" So, the two ran to the castle, and had a great time.

line

"Kiley! How many times do I have to tell you? You're not supposed to try and cook! I'm the cook!" reprimanded Kaden, who watched in horror as Kiley crushed some burnt cookie with a wooden spoon.

"But I'm making a cookie shake! All you have to do is mix ice cream, milk, and cookie crumbs together in a blender, and you have Cookie Shake!" she squealed.

"We don't have blenders or ice cream here! And...ew...it looks more like Burnt Cookie Shake." Kaden grimaced at the sight of the brown mess her friend had attempted to fix. "Ugh..." Her face turned green.

"Javon! I thought I told you to sweep the floor!" ordered Xia, who was a Calormen servant of Queen Lucy. Kaden sighed.

"My name is Kaden," she grumbled. She slumped over to the broom closet, and pulled out the gross brown broom. She mumbled odd nothings while she pulled the sticky and wet broom around the large kitchen.

"Suvan! What are you doing?" Xia walked into the room, and gaped at the disgusting brown piece of crap that Kiley was kneading her hands through. She was speechless, watching the gross ooze that was spilling all over the floor. "No wonder the bottom of the broom always looks so dirty..." Kiley excitedly poured the disgusting, unedible glop into a jar. Kaden put the broom away, and looked proudly at the messy floor. Xia fainted.

"Oh, well. A least now I don't have any more chores! Yay!" Kaden bounced up and down. Kiley grinned from ear to ear, and turned around, completely forgetting her "Burnt Cookie Shake", and started jumping up and down with Kaden. Queen Lucy graced the gross floor with her footsteps, and both girls stopped hopping. They looked ashamed. "Hehe..." Kaden glanced frantically around the room. She grabbed the jar of crap. "Lookie! We made this...for you! It's Burnt Cookie Shake!" she laughed, looking suspicious. The Queen hesitated.

"I don't know...I still remember when Kiley tried cooking some Turkish Delight..." she started. Kaden remembered that. Pictures of a green, messy dish flowed into her mind.

_"My favorite! Turkish Delight!" grinned King Edmund. But the moment the stinging, distasteful thing entered his mouth, his view on Turkish Delight-and Kiley's cooking-changed completely. "Um, sister...I would suggest not eating this..."_

Kaden also remembered that the Queen, being as confident as she was, ate some anyway. Or, tried to eat. She ended up in the bathroom for about two hours. Kaden cringed. "Yeah. You don't have to eat it. In fact, I would say that your Highness should not eat it." She bowed, remembering that bowing was a courtesy that was required in Narnia. She elbowed Kiley, who just stared at a butterfly out the window. "Ki, you're supposed to bow," she whispered, but smiled at Queen Lucy. Kiley shook back to life, and bowed.

"Really! It's good! It's Burnt Cookie Shake! It's an old family recipe!" she giggled, and Kaden cupped her hand over Kiley's mouth.

"Be quiet," she said quietly. "Really, it's not all that great, and your Highness remembers what happened last time..." she coaxed, and the Queen quickly nodded.

"You're right," she agreed, and stepped gracefully out of the room. Kaden sighed with relief that the Queen had not given up her health to be polite to Kiley. Kiley was nice, and she was usually pretty smart, but cooking was not her specialty. She ran out of the room, but Kaden didn't notice until she heard Kiley's voice.

"Your Majesty, Queen Susan! I just made a special family recipe!" Kiley widened her eyes.

"KILEY!"

_Yeah. I just made it up. For fun. No, Lizzy, I know that you're not stupid...but when you make Burnt Cookie Shake...Names! Kaden means fighter, Kiley means good looking, Xia means Glow of the Sunrise, Suvan means The Sun, and Javon means...soap. Yeah. Thank you, Lizzy for the inspiration! And, since your favorite movie is the Chronicles of Narnia, I made this part for you! Okay, you can all clap now. Or just...stand. In silence. _


	2. Warping

Chapter one! Yay! Please, reviews would be appreciated! Thanks!

Chapter One:

Warping

Kaden and Kiley were riding on a pony. They were following the Kings and Queens of Narnia, and, since they were both so short, were riding on a pony. Kaden was smaller, so she went in front, and Kiley was pointing at random things around the forest.

"Look, Kaden! It's a Monarch! Those are endangered, you know." Kaden boiled inside. Kiley had been talking the entire ride. "...I think I see a bunny, and look, Kaden! There's a-" Kaden boiled over.

"BE QUIET! I have been listening to your stupid ramblings for more than an hour! Now, if you'd like to go and 'be one with nature' or something like that, please, SHUT UP!" Kiley whimpered. Kaden held up a roll of duct tape.

"Oh, dear brother, what is this?" Queen Susan had come across a lamppost.

"I believeth, beloved sister, that it is a tree of metal that we have come to," King Edmund said.

"Lamppost?" Queen Lucy wondered. "Lamppost...Spare Oom!" She dashed off through the forest, and her faithful sister, brothers, and retarded servants were hot on her heels. They came to a big wardrobe. "Let's go through!" And so, they all climbed in, and at first, everyone was there, but after a minute, Kiley could only hear Kaden's mumbling.

"Kaden?" she whispered, still remembering the duct tape.

"Yeah?"

"Where is everybody?"

"Um..." Kaden turned around. "I dunno."

"Oh, look! Here's the door!" Kiley squealed in her usual, cheery self. They opened it, and were horribly surprised at what they saw.

"This isn't Narnia...it's..." Kaden took in the new scenery. "Middle Earth." Kiley's shoulders drooped. She liked Narnia. But she perked up when she heard a familiar voice.

"Men of Rohan! We will fight together, in honor! For freedom!" The crowd echoed his cheer. "For Middle Earth! For Rohan!" Kiley dashed over to the man who was calling. She jumped on his back.

"ARAGORN!" she shrieked. He fumbled to get her off, but it was no use. She had glued herself onto his back.

"What the..." Kaden ran up.

"Sorry, uh, Mr. Aragorn, about her, she gets a little crazy at times. Um, Ki, you should get off...like, now." Kiley didn't budge. "Yeah. She can be a pain in the butt sometimes..." She pulled out the duct tape. "Ki," she threatened. Kiley saw the tape, and whimpered.

"OKAY!" She leaped off of Aragorn's back. "Aragorn, would you like some of my Burnt Cookie Shake?" she asked, swaying her body back and forth. She retrieved the jar of...shake. Kaden tried to stop him, but he was fairly polite. He looked at it, plainly disturbed, but took it. "Here's a spoon," she offered, and pulled out a spoon. He began to eat the shake, and he nodded at her. Kiley skipped away happily, to look for flowers. Aragorn dumped the jar into a large pit. He also got rid of the amount he had eaten.

"Yeah. Sorry 'bout that," Kaden apologized. "She's not the best cook..."

"That's an understatement. Eowyn's cooking was better," he said to himself. Aragorn took her hand. "Aragorn, heir of Isildur."

"Kaden. And that girl is Kiley," she said, pointing to Kiley, who was talking to a blade of grass. Four little guys walked up.

"Strider, who is this?" asked Sam. Kaden smiled, and shook his hand.

"Kaden," she said.

"I'm Merry, nice to meet you," said hobbit greeted, and she shook his hand, but he didn't understand.

"This is the Ringbearer, Frodo," Aragorn introduced. She and Frodo also shook hands.

"I'm Pippin," Pippin said excitedly. Kaden blushed as he shook her hand. He looked away.

"Oh, and that girl over there is Kiley. She has a few...problems." She pointed to Kiley again. The four hobbits stared at her in wonder, amazement, and horror.

"Is she talking to the grass?" Pippin whispered to Merry.

"Sure looks like it, Pip." Kaden laughed at herself. This would be a long day.

line

"Aragorn, are you sure?" Pippin looked after Kaden, who was ordering an ale. Aragorn nodded. Pippin set his teeth, and walked over to her. "May I have this dance?" he asked, and she burst out laughing. He drooped.

"I'm sorry, just...something on the ale bottle..." she said, trying not to hurt his feelings. "Sure!" He smiled again. They started doing the waltz. "This is boring." Kaden spoke for both of them. She grabbed him a bottle of ale. "Shall we?" she smiled at him, and he grinned, inside and outside.

About an hour later, all the hobbits, and Kaden, were dancing on the table. They were singing, but but now, nobody could understand them. Kaden was in the middle, with Frodo on one side, and Pippin on the other, and Merry was next to Pippin, and Sam next to Frodo.

"Let's do the Ale Dance!" Kaden laughed, obviously drunk. Kiley just stared and laughed.

"What's that?" asked Pippin.

"This!" She kicked her legs, and shouted "HEY!" to the beat. Soon, all the hobbits had caught on, and they were all doing the "Ale Dance". When they finally were so tired that they just flopped over, Aragorn put the hobbits in their beds, and Kiley dragged Kaden to their room. "A whole barrel of ale fills this Took..." mumbled Kaden. Kiley just shook her head and chucked her into bed.

"G'night, Kaden." She turned the light off.

"...a whole bucket of ale fills this nook..."

_Yeah. Kaden drink. I thought it was funny. So, that's chapter one! Sort of. Yeah. Please review! Thanks!_


	3. Fun, Fun, FUN!

Yesh! Chapter two'd! Yeah. Here goes!

Chapter Two:

Fun, Fun, FUN!

"How do you eat so little?" asked Merry, staring at Kiley's plate. On it, was half a piece of salted pork, one ear of corn, an old burnt cookie, a pile of mashed potatoes, a handful of peanuts, one piece of elven bread, two apples, and an onion.

"Me? I don't eat little! KADEN eats little!" Kaden walked in, holding a very small plate. On it, was a tenth of a piece of salted pork, two kernels of corn, one spoonful of mashed potatoes, one peanut, and a pinch of elven bread. And one Skittle©. Pippin just gaped at her plate.

"Merry, is that all she has?"

"I think so, Pip." Merry and Pippin just stared. Kiley gasped.

"What, Ki?" asked Kaden.

"You're...ANOREXIC!"

"No, I'm not!"

"Yeah, you are!"

"No, look at THIS! It goes jiggle jiggle jiggle...ew, a hair..." Kaden was making her stomach wiggle around.

"I CAN COUNT YOUR RIBS!"

"Yeah? So can I! Every person has exactly seventeen and a half ribs. Were you sleeping in Science class again?" Kaden glared at Kiley suspiciously.

"You fell asleep in Math class!"

"Yes, well, it was boring. I hate math. And it's not like Mrs. Graffle is exciting, at all."

"True, but still!"

"AND YOU were the one who 'went to the bathroom', class skipper!"

"What are you talking about? That was...erm...necessary!" All four hobbits just watched, afraid to get into this odd...fight. Aragorn stepped in.

"Well, fair maidens, let us stop this quarrel and be on our way." Kiley shut up at the sound of Aragorn's voice. Kaden met eyes with Pippin, and zipped up as well. But then she put her hand to her neck.

"OH MY GOSH, KILEY! I'M DYING! THE RING IS TAKING OVER ME! I'M DYING!" Kiley rushed to her friends side.

"HELP! HELP! Aragorn, do you know the heimlick procedure? I...kinda knocked out one of my classmates when I tried to do it...BUT OF COURSE YOU KNOW! You're ARAGORN!" He just stood. Kaden grabbed Kiley's hand. They felt the Ring pulling them. They were sucked inside it.

"I'm planning on being dead that day..." mumbled Kaden.

"NOOO! Kaden! Stay with me! One, two, three, CLEAR! One, two, three, CLEAR!"

"Dead...Ki, you're choking me...WOAH!" They were surged upward, into...a tree. "Where the heck are we?"

"Um...a forest?" Kaden sighed.

"KILEY!" She nearly wrenched her friend's hand off. "IT'S LINK! FROM ZELDA, YOU KNOW?" Kaden started jumping. Kiley joined in. Jumping whilst in a tree is not the best idea. "Ouch...pain..." They were now face-down on the ground. Kiley jumped up.

"We're in Kokiri Forest! I knew that I recognized this place! And look, there's Link over there! Let's go meet him!" Kiley pulled Kaden over to where Link was resting. "LINK!" He jerked up.

"Who the heck are you?" he asked, scratching his head.

"We're helpers!" exclaimed Kiley.

"Um, okay...I'm going to Ganon's Castle...are you two brave enough?" He hoped that they were not.

"YES!" Kaden sighed again. Why did her friend talk so much? They walked, side by side, behind Link. They soon came into sight of a huge, black castle. "It's Ganon's Castle! He's not very nice..." Kiley squinted at the huge place.

"No, he isn't," Kaden said sarcastically. They got to a big moat. and not just any moat. A lava moat.

"Link, you have done well," called a voice. A man appeared out of the air. "I will use my powers to make a bridge! OAH!" he sang to the sky, and a rainbowy bridge appeared over the moat.

"Thanks, Rauru!" shouted Link. They all crossed the bridge, and into the castle.

"AHAHAHAHA! You will never defeat me!" Kiley shriveled up and whimpered. A man in black appeared. Kaden pulled her friend up.

"Ki, do you have any of your nasty cooking?" she asked. Kiley retrieved a sandwich.

"It's my Special Tuna Sandwich!" she grinned.

"Hey, stupid! Eat this!" Kaden yelled as she threw the moldy sandwich at Ganondorf. He ate it, since he hadn't eaten anything for a while.

"AHAHAHA! My strength is growing thanks to your evil sandwich!" he cackled. His cape glowed with a crimson fire. "Ouch! My arm hurts!" He grabbed his arm, and pulled the sleeve back. "NOOOO! I can't have blood poisoning!" Kaden let out a victorious roar.

"I knew it would work!" She started dancing with Kiley. "WOAH!" They were pushed upward, toward the ceiling. "I'm too young to die!" screeched Kaden. They vanished. "That was weird," Kaden commented. They were in an utter blackness. Then, like the blink of an eye, they were on a dock. They took in the new scenery.

"Kaden! Look!" Kiley pointed toward a nearby ship. "It's Jack and Aravis!" Kaden looked where Kiley pointed.

"You're right. And Crevan! She's my favorite from that story! Oh, look. There's Will," Kaden moaned. Kiley didn't hear her. She was screaming at the crew to let them on board. _The Black Pearl_ came close to the shore, and Kaden and Kiley climbed up the side, even though they were offered ropes. "Hi!" Jack and Aravis looked at her questionably. "I wanna be a pirate!"

"We could teach you..." Aravis started.

"For money," Jack added.

"Jack!" Aravis squealed, and he brought her closer.

"Love..." She laughed. Kaden sighed. She had forgotten about that. Those two were always making out in the story. She didn't want that. Jack and Aravis got closer...

"SWORD!" Kaden screeched, and grabbed Jack's sword. He and Aravis had their hands over their ears in pain. "Teach me! I want to know!" She started making a fuss, and jumped up and down. Jack waved his hands frantically.

"My sword! Give it back!" His hands flailed for his sword, but she held it back.

"TEACH!" Jack sighed.

"Why not, Jack! It'll be fun!" Aravis coaxed. Jack rolled his eyes, but took out her sword, sliding his hand over her shoulder. "Jack!" she giggled. Kaden hunched over. But then she saw someone else that she recognized.

"Cicada? Stephie?" She looked at the two moronic teenagers who were thieving fruit from the brig. Cicada looked up.

"Kaden? Is that you? Stephie! Look! It's Kaden!" Cicada pulled on Stephie's shirt, but Stephie was intent on stuffing as much fruit as she could into her face, shirt, and hair. Kaden grinned. Stephie and Cicada were such morons...

"Lila! I told you, Jack and I aren't going out! Jack and Aravis are going out! What do I have to do to get that through?" Angela stormed above deck, Lila close behind. "Jack, are we going out?" Angela asked Jack, glaring at Lila.

"Well, love..." He made pointless motions with his hands.

"I knew it!" Lila giggled. "That's sign language for 'I love you'!" She started laughing hysterically, but Kaden, Jack, Angela, and Aravis just stared in horror. Kiley was sitting at at big deck table with Pintel, Ragetti, Gibbs, and the rest of the crew. They all were holding cards with fish on them.

"Go fish," Kiley mumbled. Lila jumped up and walked casually over to the table.

"Can I play?" she asked.

"SURE!" Kiley leaped out of her seat so fast that her chair tipped over. "Let's play Cheat!" She attempted to sit down again, but forgot that her chair was no longer standing upright. She ended up squished between the wooden pieces of a now broken chair. She laughed guiltily. Kaden sighed.

"Now, let's sword!" she screeched, and Angela raised an eyebrow.

"You mean sword practice? Sounds fun!" she nodded, and pulled out her sword. Jack held his sword in front of him.

"So, you hold your sword like this..."

About an hour later, Kaden had permanently traumatized Jack with her endless ravings, and scared the heck of out Angela and Aravis. Jack's eye was twitching, so Kaden had decided to fix it. Or, try to fix. She had him sit on the bench so that she could reach, and she was now putting an eye patch around his eye.

"You'r supposed to put on gauze first, so you don't have that leather rubbing on your skin!" ordered Aravis.

"Put the strap on like this, with a knot in the back!" instructed Angela.

"Don't use fiberglass!"

"A knot! Don't you know how to knot?"

"Put it on UNDER the leather!"

"NO! You don't need a BOW!"

"No, I don't think he wants sparkly glitter all over it!"

"Don't spit on it!" Man, they were picky! Jack now had a "perfect" eye patch. Stephie bounded up.

"It needs one final touch," she said, fumbling around in her hair.

"NOOOO!" Kaden protested, but it was too late. Stephie pulled out a very red cherry, and stuffed it behind the patch.

"AGH!" Jack put his hand to his eye.

"Dangit, Stephie!" She attempted to remove the messy blob of cherry guck. She had once read about Stephie and Cicada, and how stupid they were. She had also read about Jack, Aravis, Angela, and Crevan. Where was Crevan? She looked up to see Crevan stomp up above deck, with Boxy in hand.

"Angela!" she called, and Angela turned.

"What?"

"Can you throw Boxy over? He's too heavy for me!" Angela sighed, but took "Boxy" and was just about to throw him over. "Wait! What are you doing?" Crevan shrieked.

"I'm throwing him over, like you asked!" Angela replied.

"NOO! THEIF!" Crevan stole Boxy from Angela's clutches. She growled, and then slumped back below deck. Angela ;) sighed, and shook her head, but returned to Jack. Kaden grinned mischeviously at Jack's good eye.

"So, smexy, how's about you and me?" she grinned.

"How's about you get some brains!" Kiley shouted from her crumpled place at the table. They both laughed. The intellengent people(meaning everyone except Kaden, Kiley, Cicada, and Stephie) just wondered if their little friends were yet sane. Stephie and Cicada started laughing, too.

"Aha! Teen Girl Squad is so grood!" Cicada started, and her comrades joined in.

"You mean good!" added Kiley.

"Great and good!" finished Stephie. And they all laughed again.

"Hiya, bunkmate!" Kaden laughed.

"Do you love me?" Cicada snickered.

"Will you help give me these-" Kiley began, and Kaden joined in. "-seventeen shots before I go into a coma?" they both giggled. Jack, Angela, and Aravis just glanced at each other. This would be a long day.

;) This is my author's sign. WEIRDED OUT!

_Yallo! Anyways, here's a quick note: Angela and Lila are from a story called _Jack of Hearts_ by **Rabid Rabbit's Rampage**, Cicada and Stephie are from _Pirates of the Caribbean:Curse of the Mary Sue_ by **GreyWolfEyes**, and Aravis and Crevan are from one of my stories called _Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A Pirate's Life For Me_. I got permission from all of the authors(well, I'm not quite sure about Aravis and Crevan, because **Bitten by a cow** didn't answer when I asked her) to use their characters. Thanks, you guys! I love you all! And to my reviewers, I give you my thanks!_

_Anamaria was not able to make it because of a tragic two-by-four accident. Keanu the camel was in the same(cough)ilar accident. _


	4. Not So Much Fun

Yeah. Chapter...THUREE!

Chapter Thuree:

Not So Much Fun

Kiley and Kaden laughed and held onto each other to make sure they didn't fall down as they went below deck. Stephie and Cicada had knocked themselves unconscious. As they opened the door to their cabin, the handle went the wrong way.

"What the..." Kaden couldn't finish her sentence as they felt themselves being pulled into the door. Not more warping! Kaden sighed, but she knew that they couldn't do anything about it. In a moment, they were crouched up in little balls, freezing and shivering in the icy wind. Snow lay all around them. They heard a groan.

"CHEWY!" Kiley leaped from her place on the ground and ran off. Kaden sighed again. Why did Kiley always have to be so curious and run off? It aggravated her just to think about it, but she heard Kiley call her. "Kaden! Chewy's here! He knows the way to the hiding spot!" Kaden soon saw a very amusing sight: Kiley was getting a ride on Chewbacca's shoulders. He came and picked her up out of the snow, and held her close to his fur. He was getting cold, too.

He carried the two girls back to their base. Kaden now completely changed her view on Star Wars. She hated Hoth with a bloody vengeance. It was warm at the base, and the girls enjoyed a big glass of hot chocolate. Very watered down hot chocolate, but still hot.

"Hey, Ki, look! It's the _Millenium Falcon_! Sweet! Maybe we can meet some Ewoks!" Kaden said excitedly. They boarded the nice spaceship, and hid amongst the lilies that did not exist. But, Kiley couldn't resist trying to cook. She decided to make chocolate chunk cookies. More like, burnt chunk cookies. Han walked into his ship, only to be met met by an overpowering smell. More like, an overpowering _odor_. The _odor _of burnt cookies. And the _odor _of burning engine.

"MY SHIP!" he cried, and rushed to fix the engine. Leia and Luke entered, only to cough and gag and hack. A Random Albino Chicken stalked in, clucking with disgust, following an Ewok. They started off, to visit Yoda for unknown reasons. They made it there within the hour, and Kaden began getting excited.

"Maybe Yoda will sword, too!" she exclaimed. Luke looked at her in wonder.

"What?" he asked. Kiley decided to answer.

"Um, she likes sword-fighting, and she thinks Yoda is hot." She giggled as Kaden turned red.

"I do not!" she argued.

"Do too!"

"He's so hideous!"

"So? Pippin isn't exactly a good looker either!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!" Luke watched in horror as the two girls got into a chick-fight, screaming, pulling hair, and screaming some more. Then, Yoda magically appeared.

"YODA!" Kaden shrieked, and jumped onto the midget. He coughed and pushed her off.

"Crazy, very much, you are!" He gagged at the grotesque smell. No, the grotesque _odor_.

"Can we sword?" she asked, and he tried to understand what she meant. Kiley once again interpreted.

"She wants to learn how to LIGHTE SABER! (magical) fight, since she likes...sword-fighting..." Yoda nodded.

"Teach you, yes yes, I can, but eat, first, I must, yes yes." Yoda dug into the food cooler, and pulled out some chicken (most definitely not from Random Albino Chicken) and some Dr. Pepper. He chugged down the DP, and ate the chicken in a single bite. "Wookie get Master Yoda a LIGHTE SABER! (magical), yes yes!" Yoda instructed, and Chewbacca got a random purple LIGHTE SABER! (magical) from out of nowhere. For that is where most random things come from, as you all know.

"Okay, so I learned how to regular sword-fight, but I take it that sabers are different..."

About an hour later, Kaden had mastered the art of sabering. Yoda hadn't gone crazy, yet, mostly because he was partly crazy to begin with, and because he was slightly deaf. So, now Kaden could sword-fight and saber-fight! Kiley was so proud. Her cookies were done, so she offered one to Chewy. He mumbled something, and she grinned.

"Why, thank you! You say it's crunchy? And it reminds you of overdone ham? How interesting..." Kiley wasn't sure whether to be gratified or ashamed. But then, she saw a familiar robot. "Hi, R2-D2! Nice to see you, too!" Then, all of a sudden, the group appeared at Jabba's place. Erm...palace.

"I have some debts to repay," said Han. The rest of the group shrugged and went out of the _Millenium Falcon_.

"Jabba!" Kiley said excitedly. "Want a cookie?" She offered him one of her disgusting piles of crap. He took it, thinking about those gross slimy frog things he always pulls out of his freezer. He ate it, and gagged. 3PO suddenly appeared.

"He says that his stomach acid has been replaced with stomach barf," he translated. Kiley put her head in her hands. Jabba curled up and melted into a slimy ooze. Kaden whipped out her purple saber, and swung it around wildly, attempting to...who knows what. She eventually accidentally hit something that hit something else that ricocheted off a window that hit her in the back of the head, knocking her out.

_Yep. Please review! I like Random things, especially Albino Chickens. Those things are so awesome. Yeah. So, if you ever make a humor or parody or whatever the heck, you simply **have** to have some Random thing. I've seen Small Random Padawan, from **Princess of Ithilien**'s _Saga of the Long Hyphenated Name Group_, Random Navy Dude, from **Rabid Rabbit's Rampage**'s _Commodore James Norrington: Birthday Boy_, and many, many more. They are awesome. This is a really long author's note. _


	5. TREXY!

Hello! Okay, so...here is chapter five! Ta da! Yay! Okay, so, here goes! Enjoy!

Chapter Five:

TREXY!

"What the..." Kaden never finished her sentence, because, all of a sudden, Jabba's grotesque fat swallowed her and Kiley up! They suddenly found themselves in a deep jungle, full of noises; full of hot, muggy hair. I mean... air. There was a man, dressed in a thick suit, and he was coming toward them.

"Do you gals need some help? And what in the bloody blue blazes are you doing here?" He shook his head as they just stood there, unsure of if this guy was...THE BOOGEY MAN! or not. Kiley soon got tired of just standing there, so she decided to use her "magical martial art skills" on this man.

"HIYYA!" She kicked the man so hard he fell flat on his buttox. Kiley just wiped her forehead. The man jumped up, and dashed to get into his truck. It started off, but not before Kiley had grabbed Kaden's arm and pulled her into the back. It clonked around on the jungle floor, over rocks and logs, and over one or two Random Pieces of Metal. They came to... "Kaden, look! It's a big building!" Kaden sighed, and put her head in her hands.

"Yes, it is..." Her eye started twitching.

"Why, hello!" called a friendly voice. It was another man, but he looked much happier. "Welcome to Casablanka. No, Casabarnabey. No...Casafora? I don't know! Agh! Forget it. Welcome to wherever the heck we are!" Both girls glanced at each other. "I am a Professor of some university somewhere else. But you can call me Fabian. Or Gilad. I don't mind either way." Kaden took his extended hand.

"I see. I am Kaden, and this is...Kiley..." Kaden was looking at her friend, who was now staring at the man, and nearly drooling. "Something's wrong with her," Kaden whispered.

"You look like Obi-Wan Kenobi!" Kiley screamed. "Kaden," she whined, "we didn't get to see Obi when we visited the Star people!" Kaden sighed.

"Yes, we did. You were cooking your gross cookies, while I was learning how to saber-fight with Yoda and Obi-Wan." Kiley hunched over.

"You mean I didn't get to see him?"

"Nope." Kaden turned back to the man. "So...where are we again?"

"Somewhere in Jurassic Park," he replied.

"Okay...so can I see the ezymines?" He frowned.

"The ezymines? Do you mean the enzymes?" Kaden nodded. "Sure." He showed her to a big box. He opened it up, and explained to her what each one was. While they were doing this, Kiley found herself some eggs, and decided to pet them. She did, and one of them cracked, opened, and finally, hatched!

"UUUUUAAAAHHH! It's a baby Rex! Aw...I'll name him...TREXY!" Kiley pet the little creature, as it happily gnawed on her thumb. Life went on...about an hour later, Kiley's thumb had properly swollen, and Kaden had been well informed on the basis of evolution...enzymes...and how a billion years had (magically) passed, and somehow we people became apes. ;( "Let's go outside!" Kiley suggested, and Kaden followed. There was a great thumping, and rain started pouring down on their heads.

"Oh, NOOOO! THE REX GOT OUT!" screeched Fabian/Gilad.

"Did you name it?" asked Kiley. Fabian just gave her a weird look. "I name it...LLUVIA!" Kaden joined Fabian in giving her a weird look. Then...there it was. The huge beast, towering stories above them, blocking out the rain. "Awww, she's pretty!"

"It's a he." Kiley didn't seem to hear Gilad. She was intent on getting a ride. Then, a rain drop fell right on her head.

"Oh, she's sad." Kaden put her head in her hands again. "I'll give her some of my Heart Lifting Soup." Kaden made a face. Now, she actually felt sorry for the big beast. It put its head down, possibly to eat Kiley, but, it sensed her stupidity, and felt pity for her. She lifted up a bowl to it, and it chomped down the stinking mess. It started choking and gagging.

"It's more like, Stomach Burning Soup..." Kaden mumbled, as the T-Rex stumbled over.

"WAAAAHHHH!" Kiley screamed. She started crying. "Wahahaha! Lluvia! My darling! I never got to ride you! WAHHHH!" Kaden stood by, and patted her friend on the back. Then, she decided to sit down. Soon afterward, Kiley came out of her sad state, and decided to explore. But, perhaps the T-Rex's mouth wasn't the best place to start.

;( I AM AN ANTI-EVOLUTIONIST! (looks at disgusting cousin who is seriously putting a mound of food into his mouth, and most of it falls back out) Well, looking at THAT, I can ALMOST believe it. But…I STILL HATE EVOS! Well, anyway. I am summoning eve'body to go and give your local evolutionist a "holy knuckle sandwich" today! Lightens the heart! Side affects may be: Law suits, "unholy knuckle sandwiches" right back at you, and angry parents! Haha! Try it today! (magical old TV music)

_HI! Oh, no! Cliffie! Except not! And a really long author's note! I decided to use names again. Fabian means...hehe...Bean Grower. Purdy, ain't it? And Lluvia means Rain, (sigh) Poor T-rex...oh, well. Trexy means nothing in any language, but perhaps there is some other way of speaking in Kiley's brain...who knows. Oh, and Gilad means Camel Hump. Why not name your kid after camels? They're so awesome! And so are all my reviewers! Keep it up, guys!_


	6. Um, I dunno

Hi! Since I've made other appearances before, and I'm a gonna do it again. Okey-dokey, so, can one person make two appearances at the same time? Of course they can! If...they change their name...

Chapter...um...Five, Right? I can't keep up with my own insanity...:

Some Name

Or Something

Like That

With Cameo appearances by...well, wait and see!

"Look, Kaden! It's teeth are huge!" Kaden widened her eyes.

"KILEY!" She dashed over to her friend, and pulled her out.

"Do you want a tour?" asked Fabian/Gilad/Obi-Wan (cough)(cough, he's not Obi! Obi wouldn't come, so he's not Obi!).

"Sure." Kaden jerked her friend's head out of the T-Rex's mouth. Then, she dragged her into a conveniently placed truck. And it was most certainly not the other dude's truck. Because it was a conveniently placed truck. Fabian hopped into the driver's seat, and they took off. He explained many a saurus to them, showing them the nice-and not so nice-of the park.

"And, up here on the left, we have two psychotic authoresses in their natural habitat," said Gilad. Kiley didn't hear him.

"Kaden, look! It's Rabid Rabbit's Rampage! And her psychologically damaged friend, Bitten by a cow!" Kiley squealed.

"Yeah..." Kaden wondered how the heck she and Bitten were unalike, but still, very alike at the exact same time. Bitten and Rabid just sat in their cage, drooling, foaming at the mouth, and staring off into some unknown void.

"Those two were possibly the _worst_," said Obi (cough)-Gilad Fabian. "They always had to get their _own_ food," he sighed, remembering what the two lunatics had done over the past few years. "Oh, I should've figured!" He stared at the cage, where "Lluvia" the T-Rex had once been kept. The door was simply unlocked. "They ley him loose! Argh!" He started throwing a fit, chucking things, occassionally a person, and stomping on the cold, jungle floor.

"Hahaa!" came a stupid laugh from the idiots' cage. "Rabid, let's go climb the Switz mountains!" Kaden raised an eyebrow, wondering how retarded these two _really _were.

"But we already did that!" argued Rabid, who was watching a compy (the creepy little dinos, not the PC's!) intently.

"Oh, yeah...let's...eat something. I'm hungry." Upon hearing these words, Kiley decided to give a meal to the poor, hungry, retarded people.

"Have some Heart Warming Soup!" she exclaimed, pushing the bowls into their faces.

"Hmm? What is this...?" Rabid looked suspiciously at the bowl of burnt veggies, overdone ham, and the gross, oversalted broth. It was much, much too salty. Because, she tried it, and immediately she became dehydrated. (such a big word!) "Yum! Bitten, try some!" Rabid handed Bitten a bowl.

"Eww! It's got celeries in it!" Bitten complained.

"Ah, shut up and eat it." Bitten sighed, but swallowed the bowl whole. And she felt disgusting.

"Argh...DEATH!" Bitten screamed, and leaped over the fence and onto a very shocked Kiley. "YARGH! DEATH!" Kiley cried out.

"Ah! I'm being attacked by a giant fly!" She pulled out of nowhere a gigantic leather flyswatter. WHAT? They make them in _leather_? Yes, they do. She bashed Bitten on the head with it. "Shoo, fly! Shoo, dang you! You get poopstains all over my nice already browned shirt!" Bitten eventually scampered away, and retreated back over the fence, and hid behind a very dehydrated Rabid. And then...Kaden and Kiley dissapeared into the black ooze of the stomach of Lluvia. Somehow. And, they warped to...

THE AALTO AIRLINES!

"Kaden, your hair has been the exact same forever. Let's dye it." Kiley was poking at her friends hair, and was waiting for the plane to take off. They were in some plane in the Aalto Airlines airport, but they had forgotten the name.

"What's wrong with my hair?" Kaden shuffled around self-consciously with her hair.

"Nothing, it's just boring," Kiley replied. "Hey! We could use some...oh, what's it called, that stuff, I can't remember the name...I saw it in the cabinet in the bathroom. I'll go get it!" Kiley bounced off to the bathroom.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please be seated and buckle up." The seat buckle light turned on. Kaden began to get nervous, but remained where she was. Kiley wouldn't take that long...

"AH!" Kiley ran down the aisle, and thunked down in her seat, and shoved the seat belt into its buckle. "I made it!" The plane took off down the runway, and lifted into the sky. "Okay, here it is." She held out a bottle.

"Hydrogen Peroxide," Kaden said out loud. "Warning: Do not use on hair or eyes. Keep away from small children." Kaden and Kiley glanced at each other.

"I think it dyes your hair some sort of cool color..." Kiley said sheepishly. Kaden looked back at the bottle.

"May turn hair white. Sweet! Let's use it!" She pulled off the cap, and she and Kiley rubbed it around in her hair. She started out just putting on a little bit at a time, but then she got impatient and glopped the entire bottle on. "There. Now my hair will turn white!" Kaden grinned, and Kiley laughed.

"Let me see the bottle quick...oh! Good! It says that it only takes a half hour!" she squealed.

"Well, I'm gonna take a nap." Kaden yawned, and put her head on the back of the seat. "Goodnight, Kiley."

"G'night, Kaden."

Kaden woke up an hour later, to see Kiley staring in horror at her hair.

"What?" she asked, but her hair swung forward, and she saw why. Her hair was a blinding white, and half of it just shredded off when it flew forward. "Ugh..." she whimpered, staring at her disgusting, splitty end hair. The majority of her hair was stuck to the back of the seat, unconnected with her head. "Ki! You ruined my hair! It was beautiful! Even Pippin complimented my hair when we were doing the Ale Dance!"

"Kaden, you guys were drunk." Kiley tried not to giggle at the grotesqueness of her friend's hair.

"Yeah? So? He still complimented me!" Kaden was about to throw a fit.

"He was just being nice." Kaden began her fit.

"AGH! WHY DO I EVER LIKE YOU! I HATE YOU! YOU JERK! AGH! YOU TALKED SO MUCH WHEN WE VISITED NARNIA, SO I COULDN'T ENJOY THE GREATNESS! YOU MADE ME FEEL STUPID WHEN YOU JUMPED ON ARAGORN AND STARTED TALKING TO THE GRASS IN MIDDLE EARTH!" Kaden barely stopped to take a breath.

"But-" Kiley began, but Kaden was not done with her screeching.

"YOU MADE ME YOUR SHIELD WHEN WE FELL OUT OF THAT TREE AT KOKIRI FOREST! YOU NEARLY BROKE THE _MILLENIUM FALCON_ WITH THE STENCH OF YOUR HOMEMADE COOKIES! AND NOW, YOU RUIN MY HAIR WITH HYDROGEN PEROXIDE! AGH!" Kaden screamed, and all the passengers just stared in horror. Kiley scooted farther away.

She didn't know how to say sorry. "Um...do you want a cookie?"

_Yeah. This is an idea I got from my cousin, because she tried it once...bad idea. This one isn't as long as the other one, but I couldn't think of anything else. Anyway, I did it for fun. Any new ideas would be appreciated! Thanks, you guys! I love you all! See ya!_


	7. Actual Sense, But Not Quite

Yeah. Here is an INTENSE INSANE! WOOOHOOO! chapter. Yeah. Here we go!

Chapter Seven:

Actual Sense-But Not Quite

"You kidnapped my child, gosh dangit!" ;) Kyle screamed, as she rushed down the aisle, and shook her finger at an Arabian man. ;))

"No I didn't! I was at a camel riding carousel!" the Arabian man ;)) protested.

"Woah, woah, woah! Let's calm down!" Kiley pulled a megaphone out of nowhere. She waved her arms around, while standing between a very angry Arabian man, ;)) and a very accusing Kyle. "Calm down, we don't need a plane war!" Kaden actually smiled at her friend's actual intelligence.

"You expect me to calm down when my daughter is missing?" Kyle demanded. Well, it was actually Jodie Foster, but we'll just say Kyle. Kiley suddenly felt very bad, looking at this poor mother (she was actually an actress, and she was PLAYING a mother, but she did a really good job of it) strain to keep herself from tears.

"It's okay!" Kiley smiled, but then her face melted into a burning anger. "I'LL FIND WHO DID IT!" She chucked the megaphone at a random dude.

"CUT!" Kaden screamed. Everyone stared at her, because she hadn't said anything until now. "Um, miss author person? Can you hear me?" A frightening girl floated down from above the clouds. Not from heaven, mind you, but the Asylum for Mentally Dead.

"Yes? What do you want?" she called. It was...Bitten by a cow and Rabid Rabbit's Rampage.

"Um, do you think I could go back to Middle Earth just for a couple minutes? I never got to ride one of the Nazgul."

Bitten looked at Rabid, then answered plainly, "No." Kaden's shoulders drooped. "I'll send one HERE!" She grinned like a maniac that had just obtained a chainsaw. "SPARKY!" she called, and one of the Nazgul flew over.

"Hey, Bitten!" A man with a big, metal helmet waved at Bitten and Rabid. He was riding Sparky. "Okay, just a second..." He fumbled with his watch, until big, long sticks came out of his helmet. He grabbed onto them, and he started flying. "I got rid of Inspector Gadget, like you asked me to!" he grinned.

"Good show!" Bitten and Rabid clapped.

"Oh, can I ride Sparky after she's done?" Kaden and Kiley heard Rabid ask, as she and Bitten flew back to their insane home. Kaden leaped out the window onto Sparky.

"WHEEEE!" she squealed, as the big beast kept up with the 7-47 or B-52 or whatever the heck it was. After a little while, they heard a jazzy little tune play.

"Oh, hang on, I got a call," said Sparky, and he pulled a cell phone out of a pocket on his wing. "Hello? Oh, hi! Yeah. Uhuh." Kaden clicked her grotesquely long fingernails on his scales impatiently. "Right. See you later! Bye, honey!" He closed the phone, and stuck it back into its little flap. "Sorry," he sighed, "girlfriends can be so pesky!" She smiled. Sparky was cool, and she'd miss him. "Okay, I might see you again sometime! Bye!" He waved as she climbed back into the plane.

"Bye!" she whispered, and she waved until he was merely a speck against the clear blue sky. "Right. ACTION!"

"That's MY line!" screeched a far away voice.

"Sorry!" Kaden apologized.

"You are forgiven." Kaden felt very unproud to be forgiven by an insane person. "ACTION!" Kiley cleared her throat.

"COUGH! As I was saying...I'LL FIND WHO DID IT!" She chucked a stuffed camel at the random dude. That random dude happened to be Gene Carson.

"I'm totally the one who did it," he whispered to some girl who had waaaaaaay too much make-up. Kiley overheard him.

"AHA! YOU!" She stuck a very accusing finger in his face, but he denied it.

"I didn't do it!"

"Sure..." Kiley rolled her eyes and pulled out some handcuffs. Kaden quickly pulled her away. "What are you doing! Ah! He's gonna kill Julia!" Kaden clapped her hand over her friend's mouth.

"Shhh! I have a plan..."

About a half-hour later...

Kiley hummed as she walked casually down the aisle. She held, behind her back, a glob of one of her gross potions. She hadn't named it yet, but she was deciding between "Globb of DOOM"-which Kaden thought of-and "Food Playdoh". She saw that the first bathroom on the girl's side was occupied. She soon came up right behind Kyle, who had been arrested, because she had been "a danger to the plane". Gene kept a firm hand on her shoulder. All of a sudden...

"GO!" shrieked Kaden, as she leaped out of the bathroom stall, and pounced on Gene. She poked him in the eye, and jumped on his back. She held onto his neck as tight as she could, not in affection, but in anger. Kiley readied her "Globb of DOOM". Kaden wrenched Gene's jaw open, and Kiley stuffed the muck in. He garbled, hacked, and gagged, but Kaden roughly rubbed the top of his neck, and jammed his jaw shut. He swallowed the Globb, and nearly upchucked the whole thing.

"Bleech...can I please take a quick break? I think I need to go bow to the porcelain god..." Gene complained, but Kaden and Kiley ignored him.

"You have the right to remain silent..." Kiley grabbed some handcuffs and chained Gene to a conveniently placed pole. "...everything you say can and WILL be used against you in the court of flaw!" Kaden raised an eyebrow at her friend.

"What?" Kiley paused for a moment as she tried to remember the rest.

"You have the right to a journey!" Kaden shook her head. Kiley would need a hearing aid. "OUT THE WINDOW!" She made an attempt to chuck him out, but the handcuffs held him back. She fumbled around in her pockets. "Aw, crap! I forgot the key back in Kokiri Forest! I had cleverly put it in my Special Tuna Sandwich!" She stomped her foot. But, she quickly ended her little fit, and started checking Mr. Carson's pockets. "AHA! A detonator, Mr. Bad? What's it do...?" She began to wildly press the buttons. It started beeping.

"Oh, crap..." Kaden freaked out. "No! No! Bad deto! Bad deto! Julia should live! She didn't do not'in'! It's mine! It's a hundred! Shut it off!" She jumped on the small, metal contraption of death. Surprisingly, it didn't break. The cool Arabian salesman ;)) from Aladdin appeared.

"Oh! I have never seen one of these in tact before! Look! It doesn't break!" The little item crumbled under Kaden's wrath. "It broke." And with that, the little man, his turban, the detonator, an his camel (too bad) disappeared in a puff of smoke. Then, Kaden felt something prickly on her neck.

"Noooo..." She looked at the little blowgun dart, and fainted.

;) May not be actual line. Actual line most likely has swears in it.

;)) Maybe he got to ride a CAMEL!

_Well, this is a short chapter, yes, but hopefully it has as much randomness as the others. I think I'll be making about three or four more chapters, and then this strange little fic will be done. And the line that Kaden said, the "It's mine! It's a hundred! Shut it off!" is from homestarrunner. I thank you, my reviewers! I love you all! Have a great Nazgul-filled day!_

With a very short cameo appearance from Keanu the camel! Yeah, he decided to be the cool Arabian salesman's camel. Okay, keep it rolling!


	8. Saved the Day!

Yes, another retarded chapter...

Chapter Eight:

Saved the Day!

"Kaden, oh, Kaden! Wake up!" Kaden suddenly felt a surge of water soak her almost nice clothes. She leaped up like an angry animal and pounced on the nearest human being. Who happened to be Gene Carson.

"AGH! Uhhnn...porcelain...god...save me..." And...he died somehow.

"YAY! Kaden, we saved the day!" Kiley pulled her friend up, and slapped her on the back. Somewhere off in the great distance of the moon, an NES played the magical "you saved the day" music. All of a sudden...

"Not again..." Yes, they were warping. But, something happened. A man in a hard, yellow hat came up to them.

"Sorry, we're expiriencing technical difficulties. We should fix it within the hour. We're sorry for the inconvinience." He sounded like a recording.

"Right..." Kaden leaned back against the empty void that probably wasn't actually holding her up. "HEY! I could tell you a story!" Kiley jumped at the idea.

"SURE!" Kiley sat down, and grabbed a few pillows, a blanket or two, a few dozen of her Christmas jingle beanies, her foot massager, some pretzels, a couple napkins, a slice of pizza, a glass of apple juice, and a fudgecicle.

"Okay. What story do you want to hear?" Kaden asked.

"Um...how about the one about your little sister?"

"Okey." Kaden cleared her throat, and coughed, and "ahem"-ed, and cleared her throat again, like she always did when telling a story, and began. "Well, we all know that my sister is not from planet Earth. She is from the moon of Grimwauld. Well, see, there are aliens on Grimwauld, like there are on every planet, and these aliens were much like octopuses. They had big heads, and nine tentacles. Well, there was this ugly Grimwauldian baby that all the Grimwauldians hated and despised. So, NASA went to the moon of Grimwauld, and the Grimwauldians offered them the ugly Grimwauldian baby. The NASA people took it, you know, 'cause they like testing new alien babies, and finding out what ugly things are meant for. Anyway, they took it, and headed back to Earth. But by the time they got home, they knew that they had made a terrible mistake in taking the ugly Grimwauldian baby.

"So, since they didn't like her-no, I can't even say that! They LOATHED her-they dumped her in the streets. Now, my mumsy had just been pregnant, but her baby didn't come out right...and...it didn't make it. Sad, I know. So, as she was walking home, she saw this ugly Grimwauldian baby, and-in her daze of lack of child-took it, thinking that it truly was her own." Kaden cracked her knuckles. "So, this ugly baby changed. It cut off its extra five arms, and made the leftover four into two arms and two legs. But, she never could change the size of her head...that's how me and my older sister figured out that she wasn't and Earthian. 'Cause her head is so friggin' big. And, since she is always in lament over being banished from her home, she gets real defensive if you call her head big. But, she's learning to adjust to Earthian life, so, maybe one day she'll actually be considered normal...like any of my family is considered normal!" Kaden laughed. Kiley started giggling too.

The man with the yellow hat walked back over. "The technical difficulties have been un-difficultied. The warping process will begin in five, four, three, two, one!" In a single swoop, the two girls found themselves in...

HOLLYWOOD!

"So like, Hilary, I was like, in this, like, totally dumb movie, and it was like, called, like, Napoleon Dynamite! I mean, can you, like believe that?" Someone needed to shoot her. That someone being Kaden.

"I know, like Haley! I can't, like, believe it!" Hilary giggled. She had on a gross pink shirt that said, "Kill me" (cough) "I'm the best singer in the world!" Kaden and Kiley appeared out of nowhere. Kaden nearly died from lack of intelligence in the vocal chords that these two girls were saying.

"SHUT UP!" she screeched, and a thunder boomed outside. She pulled out a gun-also out of nowhere-and quickly shot Hilary and Haley Duff dead center. She was usually a terrible shot, but she made exceptions with these sort of people. Kiley stood by and clapped. Kaden's eye twitched at the sight of all the ugly posters of Hilary and Haley, which were plastered to the wall, in self-congratulations, apparently. Well, there was no more self-congratulations for them!

Kaden and Kiley leaped out of the big pink plane just in time, because it smashed into the Great Wall of China. The Great Wall was unharmed, because they had a pink-repellent that was extremely efficient. The plane, however, did not make it. It burst into a radiant show of pink flames. Just a little ways away, a huge crowd had gathered.

"Yay! No more Duffs! We hate fluff! Yay! No more Duffs! We hate fluff!" they were cheering, and Kaden and Kiley agreed with them. Hilary's latest boyfriend showed up, and was very unhappy. But, Kaden didn't really notice or care until he nudged her rudely.

"My baby doll is dead," he muttered gruffly, and she looked at his face. It was ugly, deformed, and very misshapen. It looked like he had been run over by a tractor. Kaden ignored him, and moved out of the way of a real tractor. Hilary's lastest boyfriend didn't see it until it was too late. He quickly became deceased and really was run over by a tractor. Though, Kaden thought the change was for the better.

"Hey, Kiley! It'd be nice if we were proper and buried him," she said sadly, "but first we must embalm him! Make some more of that 'Burnt Cookie Shake' crap!"

_Yepsidaisy. That's it. I feel so much lighter...now, I really like Napoleon Dynamite, but Summer Wheatly really needed to be shot. And I didn't like that Pedro liked her. He should have hated her, and had his sweet cousins "accidentally" run her over with their sweet car. Yeah. **Princess of Ithilien** gave me the idea with her awesome story. Thanks, **Princess of Ithilien**! And thanks from everyone who gives reviews!_


	9. Shooting Stars

Yes. Well, this chapter...ahem, START THE MUSIC! Okay. This chapter is dedicated to destroying all those awful celebrities that must die! And I must give the credit to my best friend Lizzy, because she came up with the entire idea. Yeah.

Chapter Nine:

Shooting Stars

"Kiley, I have decided to do the world a great deed." Kaden stood over the dead body of Hilary's latest boyfriend.

"What's that, Kaden?" Kiley asked, as she stirred up some more Burnt Cookie Shake.

"I have decided...that we must rid the world of those nasty people!" Kaden said proudly.

"But Adolf Hitler and Saddam Hussien have already died! Or...been captured..."

"No, no, no, Ki! We must rid the world of...celebrities!" Kaden shuddered even as she said the word.

"Oh...good idea. Let's go to the museum!" Kaden sighed, but chose to follow her insane friend into the museum. There, she saw...

"ORLANDO BOOOM! AGH! DIE!" She pulled out the gun she had used on Hilary and Haley, and cocked it. She pointed it at Orlando's head-

"Kaden! Look at me! I can throw an axe!" Kiley held up an axe that she had found in the Medival section of the museum. She chucked it, and it cut Orlando's torso from his legs. He died a very painful, horrible, and long death. Kaden clapped.

"Good job, Kiley!" Then, she saw Keira Knightly, stunned at Orlando's misery. Kaden decided to shoot her, so she did, with the leftover bullet. "Two down, eight to go," she said to herself. She walked down the big aisle between sculptures, scrolls, and many other a thing. She passed the Egyptian section, but she thought she saw... "The Cheetah Girls." She grabbed a random cannon, and loaded it. "Kiley, hand me a match." Kiley did so. Kaden lit the wick, and...

**CABOOM!**

"Yay! Three down!" Kaden gave her friend a high-five. Then, they both walked to the mall.

"Kiley, look at this purse! It's got bricks in it!" Kiley said excitedly, and started swinging the huge purse around. It smacked into an unsuspecting Lindsay Lohan, who was shopping, as usual. It hit her on the temple, and she died.

Meanwhile, Kaden was walking through the gun section. She saw a nice looking rifle. So, she pulled out her wallet, and counted out some money. She set it on the desk, along with the nice rifle. As soon as she bought the good looking rifle, she saw none other than...

"Paris Hilton, the wench." She stalked quietly over to the scary crap-singer, and started a round. Soon, a very dead Paris Hilton lay on the ground, inappropriate dress and all. Kaden snuck past carefully, avoiding the eyes of the confused store manager.

At the same time, a very hideous and scary Michael Jackson was running away from a pack of wild albino dogs. "Sorry! I can pay for that!" Kiley called, as she looked at the unlocked dog cage. She hadn't meant to let them go on (him?)...

Kaden set the rifle down on Paris' arm, to make it look like she hadn't done it, and because she didn't need it anymore. She saw a skylight, and a thunderstorm. She'd be fine. She stood about a foot away from under the skylight, and waited. There she was.

"Like, hi, girlfriends! Want to hear my new song? EEEIIIIKKKEEEEIIIIOOOOOOOO!" It was her. Jessica Simpson had decided to "grace" the store with her singing. Kaden impatiently waited...until...there. Jessica was directly beneath the skylight.

"THUNDER OF GLORY!" Kaden's scream was heard throughout the store, and possibly in New York. A thunder boomed outside, and everyone leaped, because Kaden had shrieked just as the thunder boomed. All of a sudden, lightening crashed down through the skylight and onto the surprised Jessica.

"I'm...dead..." And she collapsed in the dust of her horrible singing. Kaden could now breathe the fresh air of non-celebrityness, so she grabbed a pizza pretzel from the PretzelMaker, and sat down in a massage chair, where she gladly stuck a dollar in, and she enjoyed the rumbling, relaxing feel of the chair, and the yummyness of her pretzel.

Kiley truly felt bad for Michael, but not bad enough to cease her daily schedule. "Look! A computer!" She jumped into the seat and turned the electronic gizmo on. "Hm...what's this? 'LitlMermad'? I wonder what it is..." She clicked a button, and the computer started flashing.

"Do you wish to Balete?" it asked, with the intelligence of a toaster.

"'Balete'? What's that?" She clicked it, and-

"**BALETED!** You have successfully Baleted LitlMermad. Now no one will have to hear her awful singing or see her nasty Sueness or her lack of clothing. Thank you for helping the world." And with that, the computer shut off. All around the world, the movies labeled "The Little Mermaid" dissapeared into the black void of awful Baleted movies.

"Do you trust me?" Aladdin asked, as he took Jasmine's hand.

"Yes..." They leaped onto the magic carpet, and took off.

"Yeehah! Giddyap, Keanu!" Kaden patted the camel on the neck, and they dashed to catch up with the two lovebirds. "Okay, boy...hold on!" She grabbed the back of the magic carpet, and held on for all she was worth. Aladdin and Jasmine went flying, and, fortunately, there was a cliff. So, they fell down the cliff, and died. Kaden took the magic carpet as a souvenir.

By now, Kiley felt very happy. After all, she had rid the world of five Sue-humans! And one Sue's boyfriend. So, she decided to treat herself to a horseride. She was singing, and smiling, and had her eyes closed, and was just enjoying the ride. She put up a "rock on" sign, and shouted, "You go, America!" She kicked the horse gently, and it shot along like a bullet across the open plain.

"Hey, girl! Let's go out!" Cody Linllly was batting his eyelashes at a girl, while she sat reading _B-2's: The Man-Made Bat_. She ignored him. Kiley started singing again, and kicked the horse again, so she was going as fast as...something fast. Cody Linllly was still trying to impress the other girl, and he didn't see it coming until-

**SQUASH! 'D!**

Cody Linllly was a flirting scrambled egg. And...aliens from Grimwauld turned him over with their giant spatulas.

Kaden and Kiley met each other at the entrance of Disney World, both riding their own animals. Keanu grumbled at the noise that the amusement park was making, while the horse just munched on a clump of grass, apparently not minding Keanu's smell. Kaden and Kiley gave each other high-fives, and entered the gate to Disney World, ready to experience a new Sue-less world.

B-2's: The Man-Made Bat_ is not an actual book. I just made it up. In case any of you were wondering. (sigh) Wouldn't it be great if there truly was a Sue-less world...oh, when I said Keanu's smell, that is NOT an insult at camels. Horses are just very picky and do not like to be near camels, because they think they stink. I think THEY STINK! Okay, I'm done. _


	10. Could it be Actual Sense?

Yeah. Last chapter! And it's fairly serious! You can clap now. (silence) Or not.

Chapter Ten:

Could It Be...Actual Sense?

"WHEEE!" Kiley put her hands in the air as she and Kaden sped down a huge roller coaster labeled "Pirates of the Caribbean". But, as they came to the bottom, a purple swirl sucked them up.

"Not again..." Kaden moaned, but there was nothing that she could do except wait for the portal to take them to a new destination. As they felt themselves sinking into soft couches, the girls looked around. There were windows on each side of them, and it gave a clear view of a skyline. The skyline of... "How'd we get to New York? That's not in the time machine!" Kaden rubbed her forehead. Then, she spotted a newspaper. It read "SEPTEMBER 11th, 2001". She glanced around the skyline again, looking, searching...she found it. "The Twin Towers. Oh, gosh, KILEY!" She leaped up.

"What?" Kiley was busy stuffing quarters into the looking thingamajigger. She looked through, and also saw the two special skyscrapers. "Hey, look, Kaden! It's the Twin Towers!" Kaden put her head in her hands.

"Yes, Kiley. Those are the Twin Towers."

"How are they still up? Didn't the Natsies blow them up?" Kaden sighed.

"I don't know."

"Why? I don't understand! Did the Natsies suddenly become friendly and rebuild the Towers?"

"No, Kiley."

"Did the Natsies get caught and they got charged so much that we could rebuild them by ourselves?"

"No, Kiley."

"Then did President Bush win Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"

"Most likely not."

"Then how? I have to know!"

"I don't know."

"I MUST KNOW!" Kiley overthrew-THE GOVERNMENT!-the looking thingamajigger, and it broke through the glass.

"Aw, crap...Kiley..." Kaden smacked her head on the wooden frame of the couch.

"Hey, look! This would be great to bungee jump!" Kiley grabbed a bungee cord from her stuffed soccer ball. She tied one end to the beam above the window, and one end to her suspenders. Then, she took a great leap. "WHEEEEEE!"

"KILEY!" Kaden jumped after her. Then, everything swirled around an around and around... "No...gosh..." Kaden moaned. Not more _warping_! Well, maybe it would have been useful...but, it turned out that it just seemed like it, because they were twisting and spinning in mid-air.

"OH MY GOSH! THIS IS BETTER THAN SIX FLAGS!" Kiley screeched above the drunken scaffolder's rantings, the New York traffic, the overhead planes, and even the screaming of the kindergartners down the street. Kaden, however, was planning on making a good plan for their livingness. All of a sudden, the bungee cord lurched, and they went flying back up. Kaden held onto Kiley for dear life. Kiley cheered and put up the "rock on" sign in one hand, while putting up the "peace" sign with the other.

"HOLY CRAP!" Kaden started twitching. But, the bungee cord suddenly snapped. "Oh, gosh..." And all gravity decided to give them a superoundous hug. "AHHHHH!" They fell with a nice

**SMASH!**

into the ground. And it wasn't the ground. Kiley could tell because it was black and white. But, somehow, they got up again. "Aw, man, Kiley! We're gonna get sued! We put a huge crater into their nice giant zebra statue!" They leaped off the huge zebra, and looked at it. There was a massive hole where they had smacked into it. A little kid strolled along.

"Moooo!" he cried, clapping his hands.

"No, Caleb, that's not a cow!" His mother grabbed him up.

"So, Kiley, what are we supposed to do now?" Kaden asked, and leaned back against the front right leg of the zebra.

"Um...the Natsies didn't knock the World Trade Center down...it's September 11th...2003...my stomach is rumbling..." Kiley was adding up all the facts in her brain. "I KNOW!" She leaped up. "We go and scream inside the Twin Towers and tell them to get out because the Natsies are coming!" She started bouncing up and down.

"Good idea." Kaden extended her hand, and waited for her friend to jerk her up. "Okay. Let's GO!" They ran to the Towers, and dashed inside.

"THE NATSIES ARE COMING! THE NATSIES ARE COMING!" Kiley screeched, and the entire building stopped dead in their tracks and stared at the retarded girl. Kaden sighed, and took over.

"Everyone evacuate the building! There is going to be a plane crash in just a little while!" She waved her arms around, and motioned toward the door. Everyone stopped balking and continued about their business. Except for one man. He was a scary man, with spiky black hair and very wide eyes. He had a lab suit, a nice Sharpie©, and very dorky glasses.

"I am Daryl. You say that this building is going to-" he was cut off by a very excited Kiley.

"ASPLODE!"

"Ignore her," Kaden said, putting her head in her hands.

"Yes. Explode? Correct?" Kiley nodded her head furiously. "I see. WASHJUU!" He leaped up when Kiley started twitching madly. "Um...okay. Come here!" He led them to the back of the WTC, and pushed a button. Kiley suddenly went crazy ;)-like an allergic reaction-and flipped out, thinking it was another detonator.

"NOOOOOO!" She bounded on top of the very confused Daryl, and started strangling him. "DANGIT, YOU! BAD! DETONATORS ARE BAD! YOU ARE MR. BAD!"

"WASHJUU! NOO! I make SHIELD!" Daryl protested, but she ignored him. That is, she ignored him until a big purple circle formed around the WTC. A plane crashed into the purple bubble, and there was an-

"ASPLOSION!" Kiley grabbed someone's deck chair-

"OW! GIVE THAT BACK, YOU LITTLE WHIPPER-SNAPPER!"

-and sat down. The fire chorused and sparkled; the pieces of metal shredded like meat. "THAT WAS AWESOME! Kaden, we saved the day!" The annoying NES in the background played the "You saved the day" music again. Kiley grabbed Kaden's arm and started dancing. President Bush came, and they had a nice ceremony, and Kaden and Kiley and Daryl were given medals.

"I'd like to thank you three for saving the lives of many, many people!" Mr. Bush finished, and handed each one a ticket. It read "CRUISE ON THE U.S.S. BLACK PEARL TO THE CARIBBEAN". Kaden grinned, and shook the President's hand.

"Thank you, Mr. President!"

"No, thank you!" Kiley read the ticket, and leaped into the air majestically. Except, without any majesticness at all.

"Cool! We get to go again!"

;) WENT crazy?

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, these movies, nor these pieces of brain that are scattered about the floor.

_Well, you guys, that is the end. I've had fun, and this retardedness has made me laugh at my own stupidity...well, I'd like to thank all of my reviewers for cheering me on, my parents for being cool and having me and paying the electric bill, and I thank the camels (Behrooz, Ryu, and Keanu(Keanu wasn't in much because he was on holiday)) for helping me out with the stunts, the special effects, and the script, and I thank my God for making me, keeping me, and loving me. If it weren't for Him, all y'all would be nonexistent! Me either. So, all in all, I thank EVERYONE! Except evolutionists. They don't do nothing except waste gas. And make the world a worse place. OKAY! Well, I suppose an Epilogue is in order. _

Epilogue

The warping machine finally sent them back to where they belonged-home. Kaden sat back in her bed and put her hands behind her head. "Well, that was exciting, wasn't it, Ki?"

"Yeah." Kiley nodded, and grabbed a spatula.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm making some more Burnt Cookie Shake!"

"WHAT? Kiley, this is my PARENT'S house! They'd throw a fit if you burnt it down!"

"I won't burn it down!"

"Yes, you will! You always do when you try to cook!"

"Na-ah!" Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Kaden and Kiley!" It was Mrs. Graffle. Kaden looked at Kiley mischievously, and Kiley nodded. She turned up the stove, and poured her mixture of pre-made Burnt Cookie Shake into a sauce-pan on the burner. She was cooking!

Well, my friends, it is safe to say that Kaden and Kiley were properly awarded after Mrs. Graffle became horribly ill, and that they lived long and happy lives. Perhaps they may tell more of their story someday, but right now, they are enjoying their cruise in the Caribbean. If you read this entire story, you are or have become mentally damaged. But that's awesome. Okay! Good-bye, and God bless!

-Bitten by a cow

FAT! Sorry, you guys don't know how long I've wanted to say that. Okay, bye for real.


End file.
